Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
