I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
