I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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