I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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