I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
