just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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