I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
