I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
