and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
