I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize