My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
