I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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