He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
