ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
