3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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