My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
