I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You're like the curious george of whores
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
