about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
