youre lurking in front of me
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
