So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
