Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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