My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
