your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
