I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She even gives head with a lisp.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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