apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
