I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
