i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
