she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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