Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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