where am i from again
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
