how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
jump out the window naked night went bad
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
