Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
