Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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