he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize