I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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