Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
