I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
