She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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