Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
