I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
