have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
