strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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