I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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