Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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