I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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