The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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