The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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