I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The air was thick with penises
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize