Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
