I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need to calm my uterus...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
