Swine flu. Run for my life!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
