Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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