if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
