I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
