just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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