I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
