maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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