i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Only a mothe r could love this liver
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
