how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
