I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
