I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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