what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize