You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
