do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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