C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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