Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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