My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
