So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
