Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
